Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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