I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
