If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
