Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
