Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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