Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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