I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
