I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
