What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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