I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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