No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
