He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Welp...herpes.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
All the doctor said was why
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
