great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
