So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
