Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
someone owes me an orgasm
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
