She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Randomize
