need another drink. this is the easiest way
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
