Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
