She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
