i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
