idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
