his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
