umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
