Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
