I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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