So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
