Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
