I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
