i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
