you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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