you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
