I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
