Where is the hickey?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
