i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
