Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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