You made me cry and you don't even care
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
