If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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