JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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