Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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