Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
