Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
