I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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