this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
