people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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