He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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