u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
