Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
