i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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