two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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