I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
