Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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