quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
