remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
