So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
